The Basic Bitch Chronicles - Part 1

I took a long hiatus.  I know.  I’m no good at commitment.  However, fear not!  I am back, and no, I did not turn into a Basic Bitch when you weren’t looking.

This is the chronicles of dealing with Basic Bitches.  You KNOW you know them.  Or perhaps you don’t know.  Sometimes, it is hard to put your finger on EXACTLY what it is that is so bothersome about a person.  Then you start to look for all the telltale signs only to discover that *GASP*, they might just be a Basic Bitch (BB).  Let’s dive into this together.  Don’t worry, I brought some water wings for you!

Before we begin, I’d like to clarify that I am not referring to the college BB.  College girls are still trying to figure out who they are, what they want, and where they are going.  They travel in packs, dress alike, talk alike, etc.  I’m talking full grown BBs.  Women who are old enough to have their own identity, as well as their own kids.  Women who should have SOMETHING unique about them.  I’m not completely singular.  I possess some of the same qualities as others in my demographic.  What I don’t possess is a desperate need to fit in, to be a “cool kid”, to try to seem like my peers are teenagers.

Why don’t we start with clothing?  BBs are walking around thinking they look like something special, because they copied the look some magazine told them is “in”.  Strutting their stuff like they are an absolute fashion plate!! Oh, you cuffed your jeans and wore booties?  So did a ton of other women. But you, my dear, can’t pull it off.  You reek of desperation and every time you ask about how it looks, you prove it to everyone around you.  If you are going to try to pull of any “bold” look, make sure you have the right materials.  Saggy mom jeans cuffed and paired with ugly booties and a poncho sweater DOES NOT WORK FOR YOU.  Unless you’re, I dunno, 5’9” and 130lb?  Do I like to look nice?  Sure do!  Do I know what suits my body and personality? Yup, for the most part!  Am I going to start wearing rompers because someone said they were “in”?  HEEEEEEEEEEEEEELL no.

This brings me to another point: If you’re absolutely salivating to be cool, you should learn what is currently cool. This goes beyond fashion.  This encompasses your vocabulary.  Trendy terms, much like trendy clothing, come and go.  

Here’s a quick lesson: The point of an acronym is that you don’t have to say the entire term.  That is quite literally the entire point of kids using acronyms these days.  Please note, I said kids.  One of which you are not.  So, when you use an outdated acronym, and then follow it up by saying the term twice and the acronym again, you are not cool.  Not even close.  Take, for instance “WTF”.  By saying “WTF. What the fuck? Get it? What the fuck? WTF?” You not only show you are a complete geek, you make me wonder if you are MUCH older than I thought.  How and when did you become so basic?! Is this a lifelong affliction?  Did it happen in college and stay with you?  Was it when you became a wife? A mother? WHEN, I ASK?!?!?!  And please, for the love of God, stop seeking my validation.  It ain’t gonna happen!  We are not on the same playing field.

Also, Basic Bitch, you are not innovative with your Meatloaf Monday, Taco Tuesday, Wellington Wednesday (although I would absolutely show up uninvited for this one…), Thanksgiving Thursday, Fish Stick Friday, or whatever other cockamamie “same first letter as the day” meal you decide to eat. We get it. You know your alphabet.  So does my 8 year old.  It’s quite literally basic education.

AND ANOTHER THING!!!  (I’m kinda like your mom when you come home after curfew and she’s doling out the punishments.) Real Whomevers of Wherever the Hell is the equivalent of Televangelism for the Basic Bitch.  If these are the goddesses you worship, see your BB ass right on out of here.  All sitting around, eating shit that makes you fat (then complaining that you’re fat), watching a bunch of rich, trashy bitches break shit?  Please.  Just to sit around with all the other BBs at your kid’s baseball/softball/basketball/soccer/football/lacrosse/hockey game and recap what trashy bitches do, while trying to see if and how you stack up to these BBs?  ‘OMG. Oh my god. Oh my god? OMG? Get it? Her husband got a raise and they’re going to Newport?  Well, I’m going to have a STAYCATION after I harass my husband about how Becky has it SO MUCH BETTER than I do.  Then I’m going to blog about all the crappy literature I read so I seem cultured.  Obviously, everyone will value MY opinion. I READ. All they did was watch TV.  Which reminds me, I have to set my DVR so I don’t miss Real Cumbubbles of Suburbia.’

If you think this is about you, it probably is.... 

Until next time... stay basic, bitches.

I'm baaaaaaack!

Aren't you beyond excited?  Well, it would seem life really has a way of getting in the way of things like this!  Since we last spoke, I have started a new job, which is going well enough.  Although, I will elaborate enough to say I think I attract bipolar people.

You know what else I started? My own Mary Kay business!  Say what now?  I know, totally not me AT ALL.  But I decided to have a party with friend of mine.  My hostess gift was a Satin Hands Pampering Set.  Have you guys tried that stuff?  Wow.  You use the softener first, then you use this awesome exfoliating scrub.  You rinse with warm water and your hands feel 10 years younger.  They look better, too!  It also comes with a lovely, lightweight moisturizer to apply after the exfoliation. As much as I love it, I use it so rarely because I am afraid I am going to run out.  I shouldn't be so foolish.  The size of these bottles will have me going for a while.  Just yesterday, I made the decision I am going to do this weekly, at least. It's a small bit of spoiling in a hectic life, where I can't just take off for a massage.  

I also bought the Time Wise Miracle Set, which is a face wash, moisturizer, day serum and night serum. I also added the Firming Eye Cream.  I'm getting old, ya know.  Now I am not the kind of person that can use a cleanser on my face every time.  This system requires that I wash in the morning, apply the day serum and moisturizer, and finally, the firming eye cream.  Same thing at night, only switching out the day serum for the night serum.  Go figure.  This was a HARD transition for someone like me.  But all in all, it takes less than 5 minutes, morning and night.  Even I can manage that. 

My skin looks and feels a million times better and I have to say, that Firming Eye Cream is something else.  I have some fine lines around my eyes.  I will not go so far as to call them crow's feet, but I think we can all see where they are headed.  That stuff is AMAZING.  The best way I can describe it is that it sort of "plumps" the skin, so it really smooths out the lines!  I didn't realize how bad they were until I started using that stuff.  Literally, a huge difference in about a week.  I was pleased to say the least.  And the effects last, so if you forget it for a day, you don't go straight to hagsville.

When another friend booked a party off mine, naturally I attended.  So, now that my skin looks and feels so wonderful, no need for make-up, right?  HA!  I normally use a liquid foundation, but have always been a bit mesmerized by mineral powder.  Problem is, it just never sat right on my skin.  This time, we were doing color instead of skin care.  Hm. Okaaaaaaaaaaaay.  I tried the mineral powder and holy cow!  Must have been that skin care regiment smoothing things out that helped.  It sat so beautifully on my skin.  And it was so simple!!  WAY easier than liquid, what with all that blending and smearing.  I never wore foundation daily because it was just too much of a hassle.  Now I am using the mineral powder every day.  And you know what?  That takes like, a minute to apply.  No joke.

So, I walked away from THAT party with the mineral powder and a full set of make-up brushes.  Those brushes are awesome.  They make the application a breeze and they are so soft. None of that generic CVS crap.  No wonder I didn't care for make-up before...

After this, I was sucking into being a Consultant.  I signed on and then sat on it for a long time.  I have a job, so I wasn't looking to make a ton of money off this.  It was a little something extra to supplement the house.  The fact that I get a discount doesn't hurt either! 

I FINALLY got around to my debut party a couple weeks ago and I have to say, it didn't hurt.  It was a good time with a small group and my wonderful Director, Jaime, really made it an easy night.  I got a couple orders and it felt good to be doing something for myself and not for someone else. 

I could say here that I know I have brought into the office twice my own annual income in less than 5 months.  That would go to say I am going to bill out approximately 4 times my own income.  So I get a quarter of what I make?  That seems fair.  But this is the way of the world.  When you work for someone else, you are making money for them.  I am happy enough in my job and am making decent money, but how nice would it be if I got the money I made?  Imagine the possibilities...

I got a taste of it a couple weeks ago when Jaime informed me that her daughter was sick and asked if I would take a party she was supposed to be doing.  Lucky for me, it was the friend who booked off my first party, so it was a good practice run, but I REALLY wasn't prepared for this. I had all my stuff, I just didn't have my mind wrapped around what I was saying or doing.  I made it through and placed a couple orders, so it clearly wasn't a total bust.  But next time, I'll be more prepared, because I am going to make money for me and my family, not someone else's.

I love my daughter, but.......

I know, I know.  You aren't supposed to have exceptions to that statement.  But damn, this girl is driving me crazy!!!  And before you say it, I know, "It's a short trip".

Overall, my daughter is a delightful toddler. She is usually happy (when she is getting her way), she goes to bed at a decent time (but doesn't go to sleep), her sweet little voice beckons "Mommy" (constantly) AND she is a good eater (if it's mac & cheese, grilled cheese, or anything of cheese origin).

Normally, she goes to bed around 7:30 or 8:00, but lately, she goes in, calls for us for a while and one of us inevitably goes in to see what she wants.  Usually, it is another "snuggle", which is her term for me STANDING, holding her dead weight body and rocking to one of her songs.  This child is 2 years and 8 months old.  She is just getting too big for me to do this with.  I would happily sit and rock back and forth for hours, but nooooooooo, not in this lifetime!

She then proceeds to babble and talk to her "babies" until maybe 9?  Ok, fine.  Except I have to wake her up to use the toilet before I go to bed and the longer she is up, the less sense that makes.  The night before last, I was going to bed at around 9:30 because I was WIPED.  (I'll get into that in a minute)  It makes no sense in the world to me to wait until she is just asleep, tear her out of her crib and put her little tush on the ice cold toilet.  But if I don't, sure enough, we have a leaking Pull-Up.

Now, three nights ago, when I went to bed at 9:00 because the lack of sleep was catching up to me, I forgot to get her up.  I was lying in bed in that state of sleep where your brain works, but you can't move your body.  During this ever useful state of sleep, I realized I forgot to get her up, but could do absolutely nothing to get my body moving.  Next thing I know, she is crying in her room and it's 4:15 a.m.  She was DRENCHED.  Nothing says wake up like a wet bed and the following clean up!!!

After all that, I get her into new pj's and bring her into our bed, knowing she will headbutt me at least 6 times and probably push me off the bed, but eventually fall asleep.  (She gets this from her father)  No such luck.  She absolutely tortured me and my husband until it was time to get up.  None of us got any more sleep.  It was hell on earth, quite literally.  In fact, I had sprained my wrist and it was a pain in the butt healing, but finally felt like it was ok.  As I am lying on my stomach, my little friend grabs my hand and wrenches it backward.  TWICE.  Awesome took on whole new meaning.

Not one of the three of us are pleasant when we are sleep deprived, least of all me.  I'm sure you can imagine my irritation level with the constant "Mommy? What?  Um........"   "Mommy? What?  Um........"  DON'T CALL ME UNLESS YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY!!!!  I don't actually say that to her, but it most definitely goes through my head.

She also likes to wait until my husband and I are starting a conversation to tell us everything in the world ie:  "The light is green, go.  The light is red, stop.  Mommy, I see the digger!  Daddy, what you doin'?"  We can NOT have a three sentence conversation in under 10 minutes.  It's getting ridiculous.  I have been teaching her to say "Excuse me" if Mommy and Daddy are talking.  Seemed like a good idea.  However, if she interrupts and I say "You're being rude, what do you say?"  We then get peppered with "Excuse me" for every darn thing she wants to say.

How can a 2 year old have THAT much going on?!  I think her social life might be better than mine..... probably because I have to go to bed at 9:00 now.  I don't even think Grammy goes to bed that early, and she is 98!!  What happened to me?  I used to be so cool.  Right?  Didn't I?  I was....wasn't I? Oh man...

I took notes on my barf bag

I wish I were kidding, but I wanted to be sure I got the majority of the good stuff on here.  Put on your reading belt, it's going to be a long, bumpy ride.


So, I am fresh off a 10 day "vacation" to Ireland.  God, am I tired.  Is everyone this tired after a vacation?  I think not.  We were visiting with family, attended a wedding and spent the better part of the remaining time with a pint tipped up.  But before all of that, we had to travel......


I got a great reduced airfare by booking with www.orbitz.com which had us connecting in Paris.  Romantic, right?  Eh, no.  Upon arrival at Logan International, we were advised our flight was delayed an hour, which caused us to miss our connection.  No big deal, I can handle that.  In fact, once in Paris, we were being bumped to Aer Lingus, and who doesn't love those sweet little lassies offering tea and bikkies.  And we got a three and a half hour layover!  Plenty of time for browsing duty free and grabbing lunch.  However, no one told us the complete and total shit show we would be arriving into.

The Air France flight was on an older plane, but was comfy and the drinks were free!  EAT THAT, AER LINGUS!!   Too bad one of the dinner options was Salmon Shepherds Pie.  Say what now?!  Of course, by the time they got to us, that was all that was left.  They were nice enough to rustle up a salad for me.  Drinks, salad, eye mask, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... for about 2 hours. 


We were told that once we arrived at Charles de Gaulle in Paris, we should go to the Aer Lingus counter to get our boarding passes.  Do you think ONE of those stinkin' donkeys could tell us where the Aer Lingus counter was?!  We tried following signs, which seemed to be fairly straight forward, except they didn't get you anywhere.  We tried asking for assistance from airport workers. They would point you up a hundred yard moving walkway.  You get to the end and.......nothing.  Absolutely absurd, especially since they all spoke English!

We were directed at one point up a walkway and ended up at the boarding gates.  The nice man said we could board with what we had, but alas, he didn't seem to realize we didn't have our bags.  I asked AGAIN where the Aer Lingus counter was and he pointed to a nearby "kissing booth" and told me if we came back in "eh wwwwwon  oowww-errrr" she would be open.  Too bad our flight was in one hour.  I asked "Is that the Aer Lingus counter?"  "Eh, nooooooo"  "Is there an Aer Lingus counter?"  "Eh, yyyyyyyyyyyes."  "Where is THAT?"  - He hadn't the slightest idea.

By this point we decided to go out through customs and go to the departures desk.  Yippee!!!!!  Four more people with our same problem!!!!  And once we were ALL together, they told us we had to go to the Air France counter.  Are you freaking kidding me!?  POWER IN NUMBERS!!  OFF WE GO!!!

Air France issued the document they needed to in record time and we all ran back to Aer Lingus.  Literally.  We were starting to run low on time.  We get back, I hand over our Passports and baggage tags to get the transfer done and Mrs. Croissant tears the damn tag.  Now she can't read the number, so she assumes it is the next number chronologically.  I look at the tags and notice it is superimposed on the back of the first tag.  I read the number to her and she says she is all set.  Stupid Emily didn't think to check the first tag.  It was not chronological.  In fact, it wasn't even close.  But I didn't know that until later....

Now it has taken SO long that we need an escort through the airport and past all the lines for security.  We JUST made the flight.  3.5 hour layover?  *POOF* Gonzo.

But we made it nonetheless.  Off to Ireland!!

We drag our sorry asses off the plane and go looking for our luggage.  I should mention here some bits about our luggage.  We had 2 fifty pound bags. Not easy things to lose, right?  One had a brand new power drill for my brother-in-law, along with all of our clothing.  Except the few things I was smart enough to pack in our carry on.  :)  Ok, the second case is chock full of all the shopping and leftover shoes, shirts etc. that were left behind in January by my mother-in-law and auntie-in-law.  We did receive the offer "If it's too much, just leave it."  Uh uh.  No way lady.  This crap isn't staying here another day!

Guess which case made it to Ireland?  And guess what else.  CBP also saw that little devil in the scanner and said"Stop the conveyor!  We have to look into this one.  Why would anyone lug all this shit 3,000 miles?"  Why indeed...

The case full of what we ACTUALLY needed is not there. I go to the baggage claim counter and file a claim with Aer Lingus.  At this point I will spare you some details.  Let's just say when there was no news 3 days later, we went back to Dublin and I wasn't leaving without some answers.  Turns out a SECOND Aer Lingus moron screwed up the tag number.  Really Ireland.  Make your people stay in school longer if they can't read.  Thankfully, my mother-in-law was on the other side of the doors to greet us.  If we had to take a taxi, I might have burst into tears.

Finally the bag arrives on day 4, but we are not there when it does.  I was off at a lovely hotel having a spa day.  Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!  Boston accent mixed with relaxation.  We went to the Seafield Hotel in Gorey for one night with my husband's cousin and his wife.  Day one was golfing for the guys and massages for us.

It was orgasmic.  This was my first professional massage. (WHAT?!)  I know.  Dorothy took care of me that day and gave me a lovely back treatment as well as massage.  I also had an Indian head massage and a facial.  I swear, I haven't been this mobile in years.  Normally, I cannot tilt my head very far to the left toward my shoulder.  By the end of my 2 HOUR treatment, I could have pulled an exorcist move.  AMAZING and I will definitely request her IF I go back.  "IF?" you say?  Yes, IF.

Hm, wonder why Emily might not go back?  I mean, after all, Sinead and I were saying next trip will be a minimum of 2 nights!!  To everyone!  The spa girls, the bartenders, the front desk staff, in short, anyone who would listen!  After our massages, we went in the hot tub, which was partially enclosed, partially exposed to the outdoors.  It was a windy, rainy day and it was actually perfect for hot tubbing.  Not so perfect for golf. :)  When we finally had enough, we headed back to our rooms to shower and head to the bar for a drink or two.

Now the floor of the shower was about 8 inches higher than the floor of the bathroom and you had to step over the side of a tub to get in.  No biggie, until you are one foot halfway out and the fire alarms start going off.  I nearly killed myself.  And amazingly, I'm not being dramatic.  Once I got my head together, my first thought?  "I ain't goin' ANYWHERE like this. I'll get dressed, throw our shit in the bags and go.  If it's too hectic, I'll throw the bags off the balcony and get them later." Clearly, my life is of the utmost importance.  Thankfully, I didn't have to go through all that.  They stopped.  Phew.

So, we got dressed and went to the bar for a few drinks.  By then, the guys were back so we had a nice time throwing some back.  We decided we would get dinner and asked to look at the menu. Too bad it was less than stellar and what was 20 euro in the bar was 32 euro in the restaurant.  Um, no.  Call us a cab, we're going in town!!  Has a great dinner at Eco and went for drinks at a nearby pub.  All in all a great night.

We got back to the hotel and decided to put in orders for breakfast.  Mmmm.....can't wait!  Breakfast is my favorite meal!!  Too bad they didn't send half the stuff we asked for and what they did send was mediocre at best.  It was delivered around 9:30 and we were back in bed watching t.v. by 10.  Juuuuuuust about to doze off and FIRE ALARM!!!  Are you joking??  It stops. Ok.  Back to bed.  Juuuuuuuuust about to doze off, FIRE ALARM!!!  SERIOUSLY!  WTF?!?!  Apparently, there is something wrong with the dryer and when housekeeping does the laundry, it sets off the fire alarms.  My thoughts?  FIX THE EFFEN DRYER!!

After complaining (and telling them we were coming back a bazillion times) they did NOTHING.  They didn't take one cent off the room charges, nothing at all.  Barely an apology.  Here in the U.S., they would have comped something to ensure return business.  Not at the Seafield!!  They even charged full price for the wrong breakfast!  Bastards.

Nevertheless, I went for a spray tan before we left.  I got a full body exfoliation and spray tan from Emily.  (No, not me, asshole) Again, a first for me. I was SO scared to get a spray tan.  I have heard enough horror stories and seen even worse.  But it came out REALLY nice and my skin was so, so soft from the exfoliation.  Again, IF I ever go back, Emily is going to have to see me mostly naked again.  Hey, I just remembered something funny.  My husband was talking to a friend outside his mother's and it turns out Emily is his girlfriend.  Now EVERYONE will know what only she and my husband should.  Hahaha!!!

Aside from that, we had some home cooked meals, many, many pints and a whole lot of fun.

We also attended a wedding for another of my husband's cousins.  What a beautiful wedding.  And such a blast.  The speeches were hysterical and amazing.   One was a 10 minute poem all about the newlywed's courtship.  There was no way in HELL the best man was beating that.  I believe the name of that hotel was the Ashdown Park Hotel.  Although we only saw the function room, pub and our room, it was really nice and we had a terrific time there as well.

I also tried my hand at a local lotto and won a wee bit.  Nothing says perfect vacation like making money!!  Oh, the jealousy of the locals.  I'm a LEGEND!!  

The food on the flight back was MUCH better and we had personal t.v.'s, so we were able to watch a movie.  I chose Black Swan, as I have wanted to see it for ages.  It was disturbing to me. Apparently, it was also disturbing to my mother, but for different reasons.  My mother was freaked out my the scratching and skin tearing.  I was alarmed by the fact that the entire movie involved everyone trying to get Natalie Portman off.  Soft core porn, anyone??

I have left out so, so many things about our trip, but this is just too long.  We spent the entire time with family and friends and we couldn't ask for better hosts.  It really makes a trip worthwhile when you get to spend it with loved ones.  And thank God we had a good time, because guess what happened on the way back??


BOTH OF OUR BAGS GOT LEFT IN PARIS!!!!!!!  No joke......

Take some pity...

...on your child care providers.  Seriously, people.  If you put your child in someone's care, you obviously need to trust them.  But how many people pity them?  After all, they made a decision to go into child care and accept certain jobs, right?  Wrong.

I was at the supermarket Thursday night and decided to get my daughter some popsicles.  A nice treat to have once in a while, no?  I discovered popsicles a while back that are not only half the size of a regular one (you can get full size, too), but are slow melting due to gelatin being added to them.  I want to hug the genius that came up with that idea.

It was Thursday that I came across the poor girl (?) I am about to discuss.  She was holding 4 boxed of different popsicles and had 2 little girls with her, ages maybe 3 and 5.  They really could have cared less what was purchased by the time I rolled around.

She seemed REALLY confused and overwhelmed, so I said, "You know, I found these a while back and they are awesome.  Very little mess." She looked at me with the most desperate crazy eyes I have ever seen.  She then unloaded on me.

I don't know whose children they were, but apparently there is a 7 year old brother out there somewhere, too.  She started going on about a woman I presume is the mother.  The mother who sent this poor girl to the store to buy only natural organic products.

I COMPLETELY understand parents who choose to feed their children organic.  Every parent has the right to decide what to feed their children.  But riddle me this:  If you make that decision, shouldn't YOU be the one doing the grocery shopping instead of sending someone who has NO idea what the hell you are talking about?!

This girl was precisely what you would envision if someone said "frazzled".  Her hair was a mess, she was dropping things all over the place, she was completely and totally scattered.  Thankfully, the children with her were well behaved.

If you are going to assume your child care provider is also your servant, the least you can do is give them some direction.  Would it have killed the mother to suggest a supermarket with a wider variety of organic?  Or to write a list?!  With details??  It would seem the only instruction she gave was all natural organic.

Now, I am not an organic shopper.  I buy what I like and I buy what my daughter and husband like.  We eat fruit and vegetables, just like everyone else.  But I do not go all out and buy organic.  Occasionally, something I buy is organic by chance, but I do not seek it out.  It also helps that I heard a while back about a study that was looking into the benefits of organic diet.  Apparently, there is no significant difference in the long run.  Yippee!!  We're not going to die!!

Are there child care providers out there with similar experiences?  I have done my fair share of child care and have willingly helped out with laundry, cooking, dishes and groceries.  However, I feel there is a fine line between the sporadic help and the full on taking advantage. We ALL know that mother who has kids etc. because that is what you are "supposed" to do.  I think this is the same kind of mother who puts her career above all else.  There is NOTHING wrong with being a woman with a career, but when you have children, your priorities have to change somewhat.  I really feel like this mother, whoever she is, just dumps her entire load of personal responsibility on this girl.  I doubt she was at home with a handkerchief around her head scrubbing the floors while this girl did the grocery shopping for the week.

It was a brief but eye opening encounter.  If I am ever fortunate enough to have in home child care, I will not make my responsibility the responsibility of my child care provider.  I'll buy my own frozen chicken nuggets, thanks very much.

I'm really sucking at this, who wants some coffee?

Honestly, I did really well for a few weeks, and then I started waiting an extra day here and there.  Now I have gone from Friday posts to Monday posts?!  C'mon now.  I think the reason more than anything is my clever nature exposes itself at the most inopportune times, aka when I am not near my computer. 

I usually find my inspiration in my every day surroundings.  Today, that's my house.  God help me.  What the heck kind of inspiration can I find here?  Laundry?  Dusting?  Mopping?  Dishes?  They all need to be done, but they aren't very inspiring.  But you know what IS inspiring.  My re-usable K-cup.  Holy cow.  I don't know why I waited so long to get this.  Now I have waited so long, it is almost time to pull out the regular coffee maker for iced coffee season.

I am a person who has always loved Dunkin Donuts coffee, from one Dunkin Donuts.  Or home brewed Dunkin Donuts coffee.  For all who think I'm a little bit nuts, not all Dunkin Donuts is created equal.  However, I gave the Keurig a try and found I was pleasantly surprised.  I also discovered New England Coffee, which made me question coffee up until this point.

I am not sure I will EVER buy Dunkin Donuts coffee grinds again.  I mean, I go to Dunkies a LOT and will continue to do so, but this New England Coffee is pretty bomb, I'm not gonna lie!  First of all, they have more flavors.  This is good news for me, as I love flavored coffee.  It's also good for all employers, as they can now rest assured I am not showing up tanked off Bailey's coffee.

Also, it is so inexpensive!  I'm talking like $4.99 a bag.  As opposed to Dunkies, which is like $7.99 a bag.  Even at my overpriced but really nice grocery store, it goes on sale and I stock up big time. Last time, they were 2 for $5!!  But I had the Keurig out, so even though I bought some for upcoming iced coffee season, it has been sitting in my cabinet for longer than any coffee has ever lasted in my house.

Now, I have the K-cup that I can use ANY coffee in!!  (Can you tell yet I am on my 3rd cup today??)  So, I have been enjoying my New England Coffee more than anyone should enjoy a beverage.  But alas, my relationship with the K-cup is rapidly approaching a break.  Time for Mr. Coffee to drag his dusty ol' ass out of the cabinet and get to work.  If he wants our relationship to last longer than mine and Mr. Keurig's, he better be ready to show me what he's got.

I'm going to go ahead and share my perfect iced coffee measurements with you.  Normally, when I make a full pot of coffee, I use about 4.5 scoops of coffee grinds.  Are those tablespoons? Well, for iced coffee, I up it just a bit to 5 and a little.  That's right.  That is my exact measurement.  I don't like strong, bitter coffee.  I also don't like it watered down once the ice starts melting.  This makes it juuuuuuust right.  With New England Coffee.  I'm not sure about Dunkies, as I haven't had it in my house in a year, easily.

For those of you who like mocha iced coffee, try New England Coffee's Chocolate Cappuccino.  Obviously, Mr. Coffee doesn't make it all frothy and sexy, but it's a nice touch without the thick syrup from Dunkies.  Unless you're into that sort of thing, you sick freak.

I have tried other flavors, but that is my favorite.  They have a ton of options far beyond your typical hazelnut and french vanilla from Dunkies, or your breakfast blend or extra bold from other retailers.  I highly recommend trying this brand.  I have tried many and enjoyed none.  This was a delightful surprise.  Unless, maybe.... is it possible I am getting so old, my taste buds are dying?!  Jeez, I better get another cup of coffee and do some research on that.

The Things I'll Miss

I am quite sure I will expand upon this list once in a while, but to start off, these are the things I will miss most about not working in the city anymore:

1. First and foremost, my WONDERFUL bosses.  I have a close friendship with both of them that will not end merely because I am starting a new job.

2.Taking the Orange Line.  I mean, really.  Where else can I find those kind of people to photograph?

3. The smell of the ocean as I walk to my office.

4. The sound of the seagulls flying overhead.  Although, their population has increased to such an astronomical number, I am sure I can find some fatties in the McDonald's parking lot.

5. My clients.  No lie, a lot of them suck, but there are a select few who have made my job very rewarding.

6. Mexicorn.  Don't ask.

7. The wall of shame.

8. Coogans, even though it has seemingly turned into an underage drinking hub.  Oh wait, I'm just getting older.

9. My office mate.  He knows more than he should.  May have to take him out before I go.....

10. The copier, that jams EVERY damn time I try to use it.  I mean, it doesn't seem like something I should miss, but I can't very well go into a new office and start punching, kicking and screaming at their copier now, can I?

11.  Being able to punch, kick and scream at the copier without people looking at me like I am crazy.  They understand.

12. OOH!  I almost forgot Stuart Little and his family!!  Working above  bar has its benefits, but it also has its drawbacks.  Who doesn't love the smell of decomp in the morning?!

13. Wearing sneakers/Uggs.  My boss used to be someone who didn't even want us wearing open toe shoes, never mind those items.  Flip flops are still a no no.  I think the slapping noise reminds him of his childhood.  He twitches.

14.  Going in at 9:30 and having Fridays off.  It's that little bit of extra time I get to spend with my daughter.  I have been assured that I can work 4 days if I want, but I doubt they'll pay me the same, so 5 days it is!!  At least for the time being.

15. WB Mason orders.  Every month, my boss tells me I am not longer in charge of ordering.  Then he tells me to order stuff.  But last week I ordered binder clips, which almost pushed him over the edge indefinitely.  Turns out we had tons.  Which he showed me.  In a very flamboyant manner.  Hahaha!!!!

That is all for now, as I must get my hustle on and get out the door.  I'll be back. There are FAR more than 15 things I'll miss.  :)