Wednesday, June 8, 2011

I took notes on my barf bag

I wish I were kidding, but I wanted to be sure I got the majority of the good stuff on here.  Put on your reading belt, it's going to be a long, bumpy ride.


So, I am fresh off a 10 day "vacation" to Ireland.  God, am I tired.  Is everyone this tired after a vacation?  I think not.  We were visiting with family, attended a wedding and spent the better part of the remaining time with a pint tipped up.  But before all of that, we had to travel......


I got a great reduced airfare by booking with www.orbitz.com which had us connecting in Paris.  Romantic, right?  Eh, no.  Upon arrival at Logan International, we were advised our flight was delayed an hour, which caused us to miss our connection.  No big deal, I can handle that.  In fact, once in Paris, we were being bumped to Aer Lingus, and who doesn't love those sweet little lassies offering tea and bikkies.  And we got a three and a half hour layover!  Plenty of time for browsing duty free and grabbing lunch.  However, no one told us the complete and total shit show we would be arriving into.

The Air France flight was on an older plane, but was comfy and the drinks were free!  EAT THAT, AER LINGUS!!   Too bad one of the dinner options was Salmon Shepherds Pie.  Say what now?!  Of course, by the time they got to us, that was all that was left.  They were nice enough to rustle up a salad for me.  Drinks, salad, eye mask, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..... for about 2 hours. 


We were told that once we arrived at Charles de Gaulle in Paris, we should go to the Aer Lingus counter to get our boarding passes.  Do you think ONE of those stinkin' donkeys could tell us where the Aer Lingus counter was?!  We tried following signs, which seemed to be fairly straight forward, except they didn't get you anywhere.  We tried asking for assistance from airport workers. They would point you up a hundred yard moving walkway.  You get to the end and.......nothing.  Absolutely absurd, especially since they all spoke English!

We were directed at one point up a walkway and ended up at the boarding gates.  The nice man said we could board with what we had, but alas, he didn't seem to realize we didn't have our bags.  I asked AGAIN where the Aer Lingus counter was and he pointed to a nearby "kissing booth" and told me if we came back in "eh wwwwwon  oowww-errrr" she would be open.  Too bad our flight was in one hour.  I asked "Is that the Aer Lingus counter?"  "Eh, nooooooo"  "Is there an Aer Lingus counter?"  "Eh, yyyyyyyyyyyes."  "Where is THAT?"  - He hadn't the slightest idea.

By this point we decided to go out through customs and go to the departures desk.  Yippee!!!!!  Four more people with our same problem!!!!  And once we were ALL together, they told us we had to go to the Air France counter.  Are you freaking kidding me!?  POWER IN NUMBERS!!  OFF WE GO!!!

Air France issued the document they needed to in record time and we all ran back to Aer Lingus.  Literally.  We were starting to run low on time.  We get back, I hand over our Passports and baggage tags to get the transfer done and Mrs. Croissant tears the damn tag.  Now she can't read the number, so she assumes it is the next number chronologically.  I look at the tags and notice it is superimposed on the back of the first tag.  I read the number to her and she says she is all set.  Stupid Emily didn't think to check the first tag.  It was not chronological.  In fact, it wasn't even close.  But I didn't know that until later....

Now it has taken SO long that we need an escort through the airport and past all the lines for security.  We JUST made the flight.  3.5 hour layover?  *POOF* Gonzo.

But we made it nonetheless.  Off to Ireland!!

We drag our sorry asses off the plane and go looking for our luggage.  I should mention here some bits about our luggage.  We had 2 fifty pound bags. Not easy things to lose, right?  One had a brand new power drill for my brother-in-law, along with all of our clothing.  Except the few things I was smart enough to pack in our carry on.  :)  Ok, the second case is chock full of all the shopping and leftover shoes, shirts etc. that were left behind in January by my mother-in-law and auntie-in-law.  We did receive the offer "If it's too much, just leave it."  Uh uh.  No way lady.  This crap isn't staying here another day!

Guess which case made it to Ireland?  And guess what else.  CBP also saw that little devil in the scanner and said"Stop the conveyor!  We have to look into this one.  Why would anyone lug all this shit 3,000 miles?"  Why indeed...

The case full of what we ACTUALLY needed is not there. I go to the baggage claim counter and file a claim with Aer Lingus.  At this point I will spare you some details.  Let's just say when there was no news 3 days later, we went back to Dublin and I wasn't leaving without some answers.  Turns out a SECOND Aer Lingus moron screwed up the tag number.  Really Ireland.  Make your people stay in school longer if they can't read.  Thankfully, my mother-in-law was on the other side of the doors to greet us.  If we had to take a taxi, I might have burst into tears.

Finally the bag arrives on day 4, but we are not there when it does.  I was off at a lovely hotel having a spa day.  Spaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhh!!!  Boston accent mixed with relaxation.  We went to the Seafield Hotel in Gorey for one night with my husband's cousin and his wife.  Day one was golfing for the guys and massages for us.

It was orgasmic.  This was my first professional massage. (WHAT?!)  I know.  Dorothy took care of me that day and gave me a lovely back treatment as well as massage.  I also had an Indian head massage and a facial.  I swear, I haven't been this mobile in years.  Normally, I cannot tilt my head very far to the left toward my shoulder.  By the end of my 2 HOUR treatment, I could have pulled an exorcist move.  AMAZING and I will definitely request her IF I go back.  "IF?" you say?  Yes, IF.

Hm, wonder why Emily might not go back?  I mean, after all, Sinead and I were saying next trip will be a minimum of 2 nights!!  To everyone!  The spa girls, the bartenders, the front desk staff, in short, anyone who would listen!  After our massages, we went in the hot tub, which was partially enclosed, partially exposed to the outdoors.  It was a windy, rainy day and it was actually perfect for hot tubbing.  Not so perfect for golf. :)  When we finally had enough, we headed back to our rooms to shower and head to the bar for a drink or two.

Now the floor of the shower was about 8 inches higher than the floor of the bathroom and you had to step over the side of a tub to get in.  No biggie, until you are one foot halfway out and the fire alarms start going off.  I nearly killed myself.  And amazingly, I'm not being dramatic.  Once I got my head together, my first thought?  "I ain't goin' ANYWHERE like this. I'll get dressed, throw our shit in the bags and go.  If it's too hectic, I'll throw the bags off the balcony and get them later." Clearly, my life is of the utmost importance.  Thankfully, I didn't have to go through all that.  They stopped.  Phew.

So, we got dressed and went to the bar for a few drinks.  By then, the guys were back so we had a nice time throwing some back.  We decided we would get dinner and asked to look at the menu. Too bad it was less than stellar and what was 20 euro in the bar was 32 euro in the restaurant.  Um, no.  Call us a cab, we're going in town!!  Has a great dinner at Eco and went for drinks at a nearby pub.  All in all a great night.

We got back to the hotel and decided to put in orders for breakfast.  Mmmm.....can't wait!  Breakfast is my favorite meal!!  Too bad they didn't send half the stuff we asked for and what they did send was mediocre at best.  It was delivered around 9:30 and we were back in bed watching t.v. by 10.  Juuuuuuust about to doze off and FIRE ALARM!!!  Are you joking??  It stops. Ok.  Back to bed.  Juuuuuuuuust about to doze off, FIRE ALARM!!!  SERIOUSLY!  WTF?!?!  Apparently, there is something wrong with the dryer and when housekeeping does the laundry, it sets off the fire alarms.  My thoughts?  FIX THE EFFEN DRYER!!

After complaining (and telling them we were coming back a bazillion times) they did NOTHING.  They didn't take one cent off the room charges, nothing at all.  Barely an apology.  Here in the U.S., they would have comped something to ensure return business.  Not at the Seafield!!  They even charged full price for the wrong breakfast!  Bastards.

Nevertheless, I went for a spray tan before we left.  I got a full body exfoliation and spray tan from Emily.  (No, not me, asshole) Again, a first for me. I was SO scared to get a spray tan.  I have heard enough horror stories and seen even worse.  But it came out REALLY nice and my skin was so, so soft from the exfoliation.  Again, IF I ever go back, Emily is going to have to see me mostly naked again.  Hey, I just remembered something funny.  My husband was talking to a friend outside his mother's and it turns out Emily is his girlfriend.  Now EVERYONE will know what only she and my husband should.  Hahaha!!!

Aside from that, we had some home cooked meals, many, many pints and a whole lot of fun.

We also attended a wedding for another of my husband's cousins.  What a beautiful wedding.  And such a blast.  The speeches were hysterical and amazing.   One was a 10 minute poem all about the newlywed's courtship.  There was no way in HELL the best man was beating that.  I believe the name of that hotel was the Ashdown Park Hotel.  Although we only saw the function room, pub and our room, it was really nice and we had a terrific time there as well.

I also tried my hand at a local lotto and won a wee bit.  Nothing says perfect vacation like making money!!  Oh, the jealousy of the locals.  I'm a LEGEND!!  

The food on the flight back was MUCH better and we had personal t.v.'s, so we were able to watch a movie.  I chose Black Swan, as I have wanted to see it for ages.  It was disturbing to me. Apparently, it was also disturbing to my mother, but for different reasons.  My mother was freaked out my the scratching and skin tearing.  I was alarmed by the fact that the entire movie involved everyone trying to get Natalie Portman off.  Soft core porn, anyone??

I have left out so, so many things about our trip, but this is just too long.  We spent the entire time with family and friends and we couldn't ask for better hosts.  It really makes a trip worthwhile when you get to spend it with loved ones.  And thank God we had a good time, because guess what happened on the way back??


BOTH OF OUR BAGS GOT LEFT IN PARIS!!!!!!!  No joke......

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